No sleep again because I’m over-thinking… Why?

Well today was rather interesting… I’m currently at a point in my life where my past, present, and future are beginning to mesh and converge with one another. I feel confused, elated, and overwhelmed all at the same time (too many emotions…) Perhaps this will make more sense someday?

Today at work, I was listening to Apartment Story by The National in the office. My coworker walks in and starts dancing to it and I join her. So we both danced while we ate some ice cream. I love work sometimes.

Tonight feels lonely, I just want to be held… Is that too much to ask for?

I feel incredibly lonely this morning and I haven’t gotten any sleep…

Yesterday during my religions of the world class, my professor lectured about the four noble truths of Buddhism and how in life there is always suffering. She discussed that no matter how hard one strives to attain something, there are always factors that can prevent one from gaining that want. Therefore life is inconsistent and there is no such thing as “unconditional.” Two people in my class argued with her and made bold statements about how you can succeed in life if you just work hard enough. My professor immediately shot down their arguments and said that even if you succeed, there are always various factors that can take away that success.

At this point I was in total agreement with my professor. So, I decided to share a personal story with the class, and it’s something that I find very difficult to talk about. I got choked up in the process of recalling the events that happened over a month ago, and I ended up crying in front of everyone…

I have my first counseling session today in t-minus six hours… I feel like I’m ready to make some progress.

So on top of everything, I come home to a pricey hospital bill that I have to pay off, but could not afford at the moment. It only brought back memories of my unfortunate trip to the ER that happened over a month ago, and the bleak days that followed after, and how uncertain I feel about my life right now, and how crappy I feel at the moment, and… I’ll stop talking now…